Called Me Rani

4/17/2018

Yesterday I through a new phase in my life. A phase that I never planned before - ha ha ha ... ..as my life always go according to a plan. I never planned anything for my life for some time. It's been almost 8 year, my life just passed through. But still even if I say that, truthfully there still a plan. Just .... I could not able to say like .. ooh..in the next 2 year I would do this, or should have got there. Well .. that kind of thing. But it is only puny, short-term plan. Such I want to able to write again after some time stop writing, or want to have time to paint, or just go sight seeing to some place special. Not know ...

What in the hell am I going to say? Oh ... I through a new phase in my life.

I finally be true in the right way to be the one I've always dreamed of. What is that? Being an ordinary person again in my unusual circumstances. Become an ordinary person who could do activities such as become a writer, become an artist, become an instructor, become a consultant. Something like that. Everything impossible to do, say about a year ago.

But, it turn out all the impossibility I faced just started from my name.

I learning spirituality for the last 7 year and of course got the abhiseka name. And I also had been permissible to become an ordinary person again after my period of learning end. But until the end of my period of learning, life difficulty that must be felt by a person who learned not end just like that. I have reached the point of despair. I resignated. On the tip of my despair I reprobated myself by rejected be called by my abhiseka name.

And, everything all gradually stop. Until my decision to change my name appeared. And granted. I instantly small slight. Feel free of burden. Feel relieved. And surprised. What's wrong with my abhiseka name that I could not be an ordinary person only by use it?

The abhiseka name are the name given to people that live a life by always sapid from the world. He withdraw himself from the world's enjoyment. And by using that name I bear the moral burden to always think, speak and act rightly, so that my ‘state’ not change. It's very hard to do by people who still want to live a normal life like most ordinary people.

Usually those who have already abhiseka really withdraw themselves from any association, just take care of his ashram, become guru in their ashram and always looked and do as his state.

I could not do that. Because I never intend to be one who abhiseka. I was just looking for answers to my questions about life that very much at that time. It's just that in order to get those answer I have to undergo a strict period of learning, thing that made me given right to abhiseka, had bless be yogini and guru dharma. But all this circumstances must be paid with the withdrawal from the hustle bustle of the world.

Therefore, after I understand and comprehend what happened, and I also had been getting answers to my questions, I beg to be allowed to become an ordinary person again. My obsecration fulfilled but not without test. But I made it. My plea granted. Only the way to received I not understand that time.

It took me two year to understand and comprehend that as long as I still bear the abhiseka name, the moral responsibility remain attached to me. But I've started living life as an ordinary person. As a result, to keep my state of consciousness holy, feel like I had to undergo endless test.

So I grateful, yesterday I finally understand, and I immediately change my name. Thaliarani. That's my name now. Name given by my guru. But I confused how to explain, introduce myself with this new name.

At the time I abhiseka, I arduous had the hassle of introducing myself with my very long abhiseka name; Dharmaneer Shree Ciralani Scekar Mayananda Bhairavi. But after 2 year I made it. People then knew me by that name. Now I need to change my name again. This time I right away really would try hard to get people accept me by this name. I just still confused how to do it.

I want to be just an ordinary person. Ordinary people who remained outstanding for everything I could see and understand and comprehend in life. Ordinary people but are amazing because I would always give work and creation in life. Ordinary people whose live are satisfied and happy.

I might start by writing this name as my name in every writing, song, or dance I created. My identity in social media had also been replaced by my new name. But in the groove ? Well ... I would try and I would sure give the result to Him. I always feel embarrassed whenever told to introduce myself. Huff...

But I sure God help me. Like His promise. So that's enough.

And so, called me Rani. That’s my name and be.